Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Hmmmmm And a Matter of Displacement

The last few months, I guess six I'll say-just to cover it, have left me feeling sort of displaced and confused. I feel like I've lost my sense of time and of reality even. I guess I'm just sort of freaked out at how out of touch I feel because I almost never see my mom anymore. She's always so good about it and I know its hard for her too but I wish that there was some way to make this situation easier, and less like a bunch of children trying to run a boot camp for mentally challenged people. It's so frustrating having to give up my home life because a pair of 18 year old's think it's their right to go out every night until after two, leave a messy house and a sink full of dishes along with five kids and all their friends running around like hyper chickens with their heads cut off. But if I stay home and see my family and have a normal life, my boyfriend gets treated like shit by everyone but his aunt, and all the credit for everything he's done goes to the girls who stayed out all night partying for two weeks straight. And while his older brother is in and out of the picture, he isn't there often enough to be considered a real help at all. I also feel like if I don't come help him, he'll get yelled at for trying to have a life because he isn't allowed to have one because of these just turned adults who "know everything so shut the hell up Eric". I don't know what to do and everything I think of is too complicated or just doesn't work out and I think that I'm going to drive myself crazy trying to keep Eric from getting lied about and keep these kids in line. Honestly I need some help and  long week or two without them around while Eric's at my house doing normal people stuff. ~>.<~

Friday, November 25, 2011

A Whirlwind of a Time in the Middle of a Storm

Yes, yes, I know that it is quite an interesting title with an interesting story to match. The last few months have been all over the place and up and down in almost every way possible. I'm not even sure where to start but I've got plenty to write down.
Whew. So Eric finally moved out of Crystal's house and is back home as well as myself. This didn't happen under the best circumstances and in someways that is better than if it had been under the best of the best circumstances. Although everyone's views differ in some way or another it doesn't mean that there is no way to coexist peacefully or at least without major events that lead to contrition. Mine and Eric's belief is that Crystal and her family don't exactly believe that is worthwhile even though it is what they continually preach to the people they surround themselves with. They are not bad people, or inherently evil in anyway, far from it, but they themselves do not accept every possible alternative because they have become comfortable in the way that they live and are content in how they live because they are unchallenged and in some ways, stagnant; as I know I myself can be and am also stagnant. 
I say stagnant because I find no better word for it. They do not have people in their lives that are of a differing opinion to the frequency, at least that I have seen, that would challenge and initiate growth of the person that some people I know do. This doesn't mean that they are wrong, just that they are less willing to acknowledge differing views and opinions than those people who are continually flitting about people with different political, social, religious, and economic views than themselves. I know this really sounds like I'm going off, and maybe I am, but I feel like saying this because if you are truly accepting of the people who walk into your life you will try your best to understand their problems and shortcomings rather than try to rectify their specific issues that displease or upset you. 
Crystal and her mother didn't exactly give this courtesy to Eric for things he could not change about himself, having had some of these issues since birth, and I know Eric feels that they could have handled themselves better, but he also conceded to me that he could have dealt better with all situations that had occurred had they not been so pressing emotionally. Also while finishing moving out he was being harried for rent because he had promised it at one point in time that he did not realize he would not be able to accomplish due to circumstances with work. It was offensive to him and his mother, as well as me, to be sworn at on the phone because of things he couldn't control while he was still trying his hardest to fulfill his duties, despite his mother's differing opinion that he should take his things and leave without paying his last months rent. He did not pay full rent but paid more than half because he was so upset over the things that had occurred during that process and because the amount of food he was allotted was considerably less than the money he was putting for for it tied in with his rent. This upset Crystal and her mother, but nonetheless it is what happened and cannot be changed. 
Upon Eric's decision to move out and back home he asked me if I had wanted to salvage a relationship with Crystal and her mother, and I had said I did. Now I cannot in good faith say that, because as much as they supported Eric by giving him somewhere to live, they didn't understand his reasons for leaving either his home in the first place, and his leaving them at this point in time.  Crystal has been my friend since high school and I don't want to lose her in this manner, but I know that we are all different people and the people in our lives do not always stay forever, there a seasons for the Earth, and there a seasons for people too. Perhaps our season is ending, even as Eric's season in my life is just beginning, but I don't want to look on this time in my life as wasted, or a sour note in a beautiful symphony of life. I want to remember this as a sharp note that gives me something to think on from time to time, something to learn from and grow better I hope, instead of remain in my current state of mind from which I can not gain much more.
I do not mean to say that I do not want to be friends with her anymore, just that there are things that we both need to change about ourselves on our own time and in our own ways, without influencing or trying to dictate how the other should go. That is a difficult thing to do, much less to hear, read, or say to or from another person but it is, I believe, what needs to happen if things are to remain good between us. Aside from this I am listening to Eric, my father and my mother all talking about church and religion and politics and it has definitely made it difficult to concentrate on this. But it is also enlightening and makes me feel more at home than I have felt in quite awhile. 
For most of you who read my blog, you know that my boyfriend, Eric, is Mormon and that I myself am Presbyterian. This is a point of contention between our families and there is no easy way to go about anything to deal with this between Eric and my family, or vice versa. I know this puts me in a rather precarious position of my life considering where I am and what my own plans for my future are, as well as Eric's for his future, and how our parents feel or wish our futures, combined or otherwise, should go. So, as a person of faith and someone who generally is inquisitive, if you would, or feel compelled to, please give me your opinion on anything mentioned in this blog, or any others. Any/everybody is welcome to give input but please keep it relevant to this or my other blogs. Your words are much appreciated and thank you for bearing with me through my harebrained and difficult to understand posts. Hope to hear from some of you, and I will post again soon hopefully! Happy reading!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

An interesting turn of events

Well. All in all it's been an interesting few weeks since I last posted. Today being the most eventful. Eric did his final presentation on genetics with the snakes today in Biology after class and I took him to work then went back to Crystal's and cleaned my car. We decided to go to the mall together then get dinner; I was picking up applications for a few places that may still be hiring. We eat out then come back to her house where the dog managed to get into the bathroom and pull the trash out like some dogs will. That was really pretty nasty in itself so when I was taking out some trash for her she found a condom in the trash. Ewww.....to super ewwwness. Her cousin Brittany spent the night on Saturday and Crystals friend who may have been the one to leave it hadn't been over in more than three days. So it was more than likely her cousin because I know Crystal doesn't do that, and unless aliens have abducted me and taken over my mind, I don't do that either. Needless to say Crystal was livid and couldn't stop fussing over how sick and disgusting and gross that is, along with being disrespectful and rude. I know that isn't exactly what you all wanted to hear but that's what's happened so far this week in my life. Tons and tons of fun, yes? No, I didn't think so either. But because of this Crystal and I had a wonderful talk (she did the talking, I listened) as to where you can buy or receive condoms, that they come in flavors and glow in the dark, and that they have them for women. I can definitely say I was asleep during the sex ed part in health class if they covered that in high school. Wow did I learn a lot that I didn't know before. Yeah I think I need to read some old English lit, wish I had some Chaucer instead of Thackery. Just seems more entertaining and more likely to make me forget everything I just heard. Anyway, it's much appreciated that you read this far despite everything I'm sure you wanted to skip over, so thank you dear readers! Until I blog again!

P.S. I will also be writing down some stories that my dear cousin Lydia wanted me to tell her that I think she may want to hear again, and I will add details since what I gave her for a story wasn't even acceptable being off the top of my head. So if I post them and you enjoy them let me know, I could always use feedback on what I do well and what I don't do as well. Thank you again lovely readers! Go find some Milton to read!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Blogger, how I've missed you!

And it's been over a month! I can't believe how busy I've been, and I can't really consider myself that busy compared to others. Hmm where to start? So, we know Eric is living somewhere new for the school year, and we also know that he has snakes, and a kitty. Hmmm. He also has a new job at Food Maxx pushing carts. It's hard work and he's tired when he gets home and I feel bad that he hurts so much after work, but I can't make it any better, even if I were to get a job there. -Sigh- Anyway, I still have not found a job yet either and it's rather frustrating, because as much as I want one I don't know where to look. I also don't know what else I can do to get a job. On top of that I've dropped my econ class because I was not understanding a single bit of it and I didn't really care for the professor, he irked me with his ridiculously quiet voice, pompous attitude of "I know best, I teach the subject",  and the way he decided to pick people to do group work or speak in class. All of it would have made my semester much worse than it has been, and I didn't need that stress.
Hmmm. Not much else I can put up because that's about all I have right now. I know it sounds pretty lame, and is extremely short, even for me. But, alas! Life doesn't always give me interesting things to write about. On a side note, how many of you would like me to include a mini character into my blogging to add some spice and to counteract all my weirdness? That came out wrong but I lost my train of thought as to where I was going to take that sentence so there. Let me know! On Facebook or on Blogger! Later lovelies!

Friday, September 2, 2011

School time again

Yes it is that time again. Time for school. Honestly it happened way too fast. I don't know where the summer went, especially since everything I did was big and didn't have much to do with a lot of people so much as a select few. Don't get me wrong, I loved everything I did this summer, but I really hope that next year I can do more with more people. :) 

So now that I am back in school I have also commenced with the hunting of job-ness aka: I am still looking for a job. But. <-- Yes, I know it's bad grammar; I have turned in almost 8 different job applications. Hopefully I manage to get something so that next semester I can actually pay for my books instead of having my parents pay for them. It was especially hard this year, because unlike any other year I've been in school, we didn't qualify for the financial aid. It was really a sucker to everything we had planned. =[ But I did make it into four classes. 1. Micro economics, of which I'm fairly confident will be my least favorite class. 2. World civilizations to 1600, not the most entertaining class but super easy - even without a book. 3. Intro to Biology, a super fun and easy class that is also a lot of work but certainly worth it. 4. Swim fitness lab. Need I say more? Lol I don't really think so. But I was so terribly sad because to take my Biology class I couldn't take choir!!!!!! What travesty! What horror! What unbearable agony! Especially for me! The only reason, and I hate to say it, that it was a relief I couldn't take choir this semester is because of my most favorite, affable tenor. And no, it isn't Phil, it's Ryan. I would say he is the least like of all choir members, and by more than just people in choir. Sorry Dr. Lucas!!! 
And on top of all of this Eric has moved out of his parents house and is now renting a room from my friend Crystal. So far it's worked out pretty well I think, except for his choice in pet. He wants snakes and Crystal is uncomfortable with the thought of them in the house, though she has warmed up to my baby pretty well. My baby's name is Jezebel, and she is a ball python normal girl, only a few weeks old and not even two feet! But I think she's pretty cute. She won't bite me, though I think that might change once we feed her. For now, Eric is taking care of her at Crystal's, then when he get's his ball python Lesser male I will be taking her home. I'm excited at having a new pet and she is less maintenance than my adorable kitty but almost as much fun. So yes, I believe that is all, besides that my birthday is now 12 days away =] and I really want to go to Borders in San Luis so that I can snag major deals on the awesome Kelley Armstrong series! Well I hope at least! Thanks for reading lovlies!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Over a month!

              Wow so much has happened this last month that I had to write it all down before I posted this time! Let’s see,  my friend graduated from the junior college in June and will be moving into her apartment so she can attend UCSB and I am so excited for her! On top of that I’ve registered for all of the classes that I could this semester which include World Civilizations to 1600, Swim Fitness Lab, Macro Economics, and Intro to Biology. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I am only one credit away from being a full time student this semester and I also plan on finding work (I really mean it this time, to the best of my ability) so I won’t have much time to really read or blog or even play on Facebook. But that works out find because I know I need to get my butt in gear about school, even if I can’t stand half of the English department…sigh.
                Let me go into July and everything that happened there. Hmmm the second full week (July 10) I started a trip with Eric and had a blast. Some of my most recent pictures on Facebook were from that trip. We borrowed my mom’s car and drove up to Vallejo which is on the east side of the San Francisco Bay (yes the loveliest part of The Bay…) to the Six Flags Discovery Kingdom. I had so much fun walking around the park with Eric and seeing the butterflies, the big cats, all of the other animals and finally at the end of the day watching Shouka, the parks resident orca, in her final show of the day in the splash zone!
The day after we visited the park we went whale watching in Monterey Bay and saw so many wonderful things. We saw more Blue Whales than most tours see all season I think and we saw three different pods of Dolphins that most people travel the world to see, and these three pods conveniently like to swim together. They were also chasing a Blue Whale, which our naturalist guide said was highly uncommon to see. We also saw a good deal of Humpback Whales and Jellies (Jellyfish). I also had a good time watching a shy Sea Otter eating a clam. ^^ When we were done with the whale watching we drove up to go camping in Big Sur at a campground called Botchers Gap (cool name huh?) and ended up getting “rained” on because we were under a tree with low branches that caught the moisture in the fog and let it drip onto our tent. Needless to say it was an interesting and eventful trip that I enjoyed. While Eric and I were on our trip, my mom, dad, and brother, along with our only kitty went to Yosemite. I know all the people enjoyed the trip but I heard that the cat was fit to be tied about this whole moving vehicle stuff. Because that is just so wrong lol, at least in my cat’s opinion. ;) My mom has videos of her on Facebook.
So we all got back the same day and everyone, my family and Eric included, had one day to turn around and pack again. Eric won a bonus to go to Sea World at work and my family was going on vacation to Scottsdale, Arizona. While Eric got to leave at nine o’clock in the morning we left at four with me driving from our house through L.A. and into the desert communities in Southeastern California. We stopped at a Denny’s for some breakfast and kept moving on, my dad driving the rest of the way into Arizona with one stop for gas then finally arriving at the resort. We spent a fun but hot week in the desert sun swimming, (I got a nice tan!) relaxing, and doing some sightseeing. The last full day we were in Arizona we went to the Phoenix zoo and saw all of the animals asleep in their habitats because it was so hot. We also went to a saloon in a ghost town for lunch and got to walk through it. Just before we left the ghost town we saw some lightening and heard thunder so I sort of got to experience the awesome thunderstorms that photographers love about Arizona =]. But I also got some sad news from one of my best friends, Crystal who we had invited to go with us but had ended up not having the money to come. While my family was in Arizona Crystal’s grandma had a stroke and had to be taken to the hospital, and if Crystal had come with us I would have felt so terrible that she wasn’t there for her. After I got back from AZ her grandma passed away. A few days after her family had left town I went and spent the night with her to keep her company and I got to help her have a good time, at least I’m pretty sure I did.  R.I.P. sweet grandma Wilma, even though I didn’t know her as long as some of Crystal’s friends I still loved her, too.
On top of all of this my grandma (on my dad’s side) was emailing back and forth with my parents about her car. At the end of the next week when my mom’s side of the family was going to have the Campos Family Reunion, it was decided that we would stop by after and pick up my grandma’s car that she wouldn’t be needing anymore, and we got it for no extra cost. I haven’t driven it yet but I rode up in it with my mom and I must say it is a motivating factor for me to get my school on track. I also need a job so that I can pay for gas and insurance on the car my mom had been driving until I leave for school elsewhere, in which I will get our newest to the family car. For now though, I will be driving around the Oldsmobile and my mom will have the Sonata. Wow, I think I covered everything I wanted to cover about my life, now about Eric’s life? Hmmm, well maybe not lol. It’s too complicated and there would have to be a whole other blog for everything that goes on in his family’s life. In his mom’s words: “It’s like a friggin’ soap opera!”.  So until next time my lovelies!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Almost a month again!

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've posted anything! I guess I must have been really busy, which means that this should definitely be a long post. We shall see, especially since I'm not sure how much longer I can stay awake.

So. To start off, I've got another year of college under my belt though I do believe all the units I've taken and how I've spent these past two years only amount to almost a year of full term student-ness. Eek I need to really get myself together. Anyway, finals weren't as hard as I made them seem and as usual I over stressed and felt like a complete idiot doing it. Thankfully a rather qualified individual was there through it all with me, dealing with his own stress and problems no doubt. What a great man he will be, if ever anyone dares call him a man anytime soon. (I <3 Eric!) After finals wasn't too crazy though I still have yet to check the Hancock website to see if they have a complete list of classes for the fall.

In other wonderful news Eric and I have been going together for seven months and seven days now. Yes I did just look at my calendar to tell you the semi-exact date/timeline. Lol I don't care how dorky you think I am right now, I promise you, it gets better. =p not only have we been together that long, I have a vase full of a variety of roses (not breeds of actual living roses, a collection of different materials you can use to make roses) sitting on my nightstand and I have a new idea for some really awesome ink. I also have been working on my own little projects to give to Eric in return for all the roses he keeps giving me. =] Granted it doesn't really do anything useful, but sentiment means the world to a lot of people, including me.

I also have been trying to not stay up too late, not only because of the sever trauma it can cause to the...blah blah blah. Yes staying up late is bad if you do it all the time lol, but I normally don't and I now have a new fear of the time 3 AM. Yes that's right lovelies, I have demon phobia. Thanks to a dear lovely Crystal and a movie night of awesome that scared the bejesus outta me I am damn near petrified of staying up and awake around three in the morning or later unless I wake up after four...and if you haven't guessed it yet you haven't seen the movie. It's a good movie, it just really made me over thing just about everything and scared me sh*tless for reasons that most people wouldn't understand or wouldn't care to try to understand. And Crystal, I'm not knocking you at all in your choice of movies! I am just a frail, terrified, and in my opinion, too easily influenced girl that takes things in extreme ways. ~>.<~ For those totally and thoroughly confused the movie we watched together was The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Though not as terrifying graphically as The Exorcist, it makes you think just as hard if not harder about what you will believe in and what leads you to any decisions you make in your life. It also makes you think about the politics behind religion and what the word faith means when attributed to it and it is an all in all very good movie, but if you are borderline anything or are extremely fearful of the unknown/paranormal you should probably rent a Disney movie instead.

And that is pretty much what has happened with me and my life for the last month. Preview of next month unless a disaster worthy of my blog hits is that Eric and I will be taking a trip to Vallejo to the Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in July. And there will be feeding of the dolphins! Yay! I'm really excited for this trip and I love that it's like going to Magic Mountain AND Sea World at the same time. So until then or a major life crisis arises according to me, I will be floating around in cyberspace lovelies!

Sunday, May 22, 2011


What's the purpose of them again? Is it really to see how much we learned or to put us through seven different kinds of hell? Anyway it's finals week and I am not looking forward to it. Spent an hour studying for my first final and I still need to work on my project for the same class. Sure to be lots of fun! [Not] I can't say that I'm exactly excited about it, but I am excited about the after...you know the whole summer bit. =] That I can be excited about.
I can be especially excited because I'm planning on volunteering at the animal shelter so I can work with the kitties! And my family is taking a trip to Arizona and that means that I can go to the pet stores and go see the ferrets, and that makes me excited too! I just have to get past finals... >.<

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Good News!

Well it's good news if you are me at least.  I now have my license and am free to roam the town whenever I please so long as I put gas in the tank. ;) This makes me really happy.  Of course I'm also working on a paper for one of my classes right now and I'm not really being very focused so I guess I should let myself go and get to work, eh?  Well then, until I see you next =]

Friday, April 29, 2011

I so despise with uttmost passion...

Being short.  Today I went for my driving test in Lompoc.  I figured, different city, I'll be super careful and drive extremely well.  I didn't even make it out of the parking lot without failing because a damn tree blocked my view and convinced me that there wasn't anything coming from the right so I could turn left safely.  No.  There was a truck that had to slow down for me because I didn't see it..and what does the witch say? Keep driving...turn..turn..drive. Park.  You didn't pass. Was this your first test? 

!@#$%^&*()_+?><:"{}~!!!!!!!!!!!! I told her before we even left the car port I had never taken a driving test before.  She must have been on her period or something because when she went through the whole "Hi, how are you?" business she wasn't even trying to sound like she had had a good day.  Seriously? Just tell me right out "I'm probably going to fail you, even if you were the illegitimate daughter of Jesus..." Honestly.  >:[  Witch.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Blog My Heart Out

Yet again I am on the blogosphere to tell you all of my problems, worries, issues, and happinesses (yes I do realize that is not a word but I am still going to use it!), and anything else that I find amusing or worth putting up. =]
So before I forget all about my Spring Break that is dwindling away rather quickly, I'll tell you everything I've done thus far.

Sunday after church my family drove down to Buena Park and went to a dinner theater which was very cool. It was pirate themed and the special effects and actors were wonderful. If you've ever been to one and enjoyed it then you know exactly what I mean. On Monday we went into Knotts Berry Farm, and we happened to be right across the street from the theme park! Granted it was in a Super 8 motel, but it was right across the street and way cheaper than the Knott's resort. My Uncle also cam down from Orange county to spend the day with us all at the park and it was really awesome. We went out to eat at Mrs. Knotts Chicken Dinner Restaurant and it was delicious! I got a chicken pot pie that I couldn't finish but I took it home and enjoyed it. ;) Tuesday we drove home and I got to spend the rest of the day with Eric, and then his family for dinner. All in all it was a pretty good beginning to a Spring Break. Anyway I will be working on some projects for school the rest of the week so for now, I'm resting up so I can [hopefully] concentrate on what I'm supposed to be doing instead of getting distracted by my cat or a movie or something lol..yes. 
So happy reading and Spring Break to you all and I hope this didn't bore you to death. Until we meet again dear friends!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

=]/Hmmmm.. =]

So yesterday on my grandpa's birthday my boyfriend Eric and I had a picnic at one of the parks near my house. It was really nice and the weather wasn't too bad. The only thing that went wrong was not having enough wood to cook the meat. In our flurry of calls to anyone we could think of for some help in the form of more wood or charcoal we called my grandma to ask if she could pick some up for us. Before she had left my dad came by with a bag of charcoal for us before he went to go pay taxes. As I call my grandma back to say not to worry about getting us any charcoal I let her know she can come eat with us if she wanted. So the three of us ate at the park and she had a really nice time picnicking with us, for which I am glad. =] After that Eric and I went out to eat with my grandma and family at Red Robin where Ron, someone who we go to church with, works. He ended up giving us a family discount which was really very nice of him to do. Since we had gone out to eat to celebrate my grandpa's birthday it was even more sweet of him. All of us, my family and Eric went back to my grandma's to watch some of the Dodgers game before Eric and I had to be at the movies. Eric and I were practicing swing dancing until it was time to go, got dropped off, ran into the McGilvary's, another family from church, -half of them anyway- and watched Hop. It was a pretty cute movie and I liked it. 
This morning I wake up and do some laundry for my mom then go to let the cat outside in the front yard when I notice a paper tied up in ribbon on our trash can. The only reason we would get any kind of paper is because of Eric, because he works selling newspaper subscriptions. This paper happened to be the San Louis Tribune. So maybe the music was too loud for me to hear him knock or maybe I'm just going crazy...But I will ask him about it when he gets here later today before he has to go home. ;)

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hello Again =]

So. It has been 16 days since my last post and almost everything has changed but there is still so much that is the same. That friend that I mentioned coming to stay with my family, whom my father never really wanted to let in, had some family issues that came up the day after we helped her move in. Even though my dad I'm sure was overjoyed he still seemed pissed off because she had moved in to move out, with a dog no less!
I honestly don't see what his problem was...But that's beside the point. My dad's birthday was yesterday and he turned 50. I know he is royally freaking out on the inside but on the outside he plays cool and unconcerned. I don't buy it. He also hasn't been quite so cold to my boyfriend but I'm not sure why he's decided that it's fine to be civil. Sigh. Sometimes I just want to tell him to grow up and stop being a prissy girl, but I know that after saying that I would have virtually no freedom if I planned to stay at home any longer and not pay rent, or pay little rent upon finding a job.
So just wanted to get back on the web and say hello, hope all is well with my fabulous readers and that I'm hoping to get into a routine though I'm still not sure if I'll be able to hold to my own strenuous standards in that regard...may start trying to kick myself in the head. =P
I believe this routine will begin with a shower, then biking to school [yes that completely and totally cancels out the whole showering business...] going to class biking home and getting assignments done, and other things that are fun after. Maybe. We'll see soon enough.
I hope to hear from some of you soon, for whatever reason suits you, until next time then!

P.S. My mom doesn't think I can stick to it. Wish me luck all!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Can we say "Philanthropic?"

Well. For those avid followers of my not so many writings and those who see via Facebook, I say hello again. And for my Facebook followers, I am sorry for the outburst that I later deleted because I do know that it can affect my future employment and it really wasn't anything flattering in regards to me at all. Or for the person I was talking about either.
 Though I got my ranting and raving out, I still feel like I need to get more out because the rather constant situation at my house has been less than what I feel it should be for the kind of family we all seem to think we are. 
To begin with where I blew up I need to go a few steps back and tell you a few details. One: my friend of I'll say, four, maybe five years, asked me to find out from my parents if they would be willing to put her up for a few weeks until her mom could make arrangements for her elsewhere. I didn't know the full situation when she asked and didn't care to ask because even though I love her dearly, sometimes pressing for details gets me nowhere. I now know that where she is staying is much worse than where I am and that the people who are supposed to be her family's friends are being anything but.
When I asked my dad about a few days after since I had to gather the courage to do so, he didn't give me a flat out no but alluded that the answer in general would come to a no.
Two: when I found that my dad wanted to talk to my mom about, when she already knew what I would be asking, I wasn't too upset. When he started to lecture for half an hour on varying subjects that had almost nothing to do with what I had asked, I held in until he finished then blew up to the whole internet around 10:30 last Saturday night. Not my most shinning moment but nonetheless it happened. The next day the music in the church service I attend spoke almost directly at the subject I'd brought up but I don't believe he really listened. I know for a fact that he discussed the matter without me like he said he would later that day because I heard my parents talking from my room while my boyfriend was over. 
There is another reason he doesn't give me any mind. He doesn't like my boyfriend. My mom doesn't find anything wrong with him except that he's Mormon. I thank her for that and that she tolerates and accepts and even likes him. It's more than I can say for my dad, pretty much ever.  He won't let people spend the night because he's afraid of a lawsuit. If you saw our house I'm sure you would be too but my friend in particular as well as my boyfriend understand that because my dad believes his duty is to clean his mess wherever it is and NOT tell anyone else to do the same and more, that our house is the way it is.
I'm not trying to make excuses for the way it looks, just pointing out everything I have against how my father seems to think less of everyone else without every getting in trouble for it. Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent. Obviously my title should give away what I wish I could say to him, but fear because I know he won't accept that he is ever at fault of anything. I just wish he would find it in his heart to be the Christian that he proclaims he is but will never act like. 
I'm not one to tolerate hypocrites but living with one isn't easy either. I can't seem to pull myself away from the same habits and such, though I do try. I want my friends to call me on anything that I do that they find hypocritical but I don't expect them to micromanage me because I ask them to keep me from lying to myself. My dad won't even be open to such a suggestion. It frustrates me to no end! And what's more, he goes on thinking he's doing the world some great favor and really contributing to something important and if I ask "what?" he won't have a clue because there is no one that he is helping but himself and I find that quite disgusting in someone who thinks himself a family man that has firm and unwavering Christian beliefs.

....I know that was a long one that became much more than a rant, but thanks for sticking with and tolerating me. It is much appreciated of you all. Until next time then.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Oh, boy.

Well. Today wasn't exactly the start I had hoped for on a normal Wednesday. Terribly hectic and stressful because I wasn't asleep until after 2 AM and upon getting ready to leave for school half an hour after I woke up, I couldn't find an important piece of paper that had contact information for my professor should I find I was unable to make, or would be late to class. When I found the lovely pink paper, my dad finally realized I was in a manic state of looking and asked the ridiculous question: "Lookin' for something?" to which I replied "Found it!" in an extremely annoyed tone. Walking around the dividing wall in our home seeing me clutching the paper he begins to chuckle.
For any of you who know me well enough, I do not much appreciate being laughed at for throwing a fit/temper tantrum despite my age and supposed maturity level. I especially do not like when my own father feels that it is appropriate and dare I say, even acceptable to laugh lightly at his daughters frenzied state in front of her boyfriend with whom she usually bikes to school. Because of my sleep schedule being severely interrupted we were going to walk to the bus...and it took me about another hour to fully be over my frenzy and hysteria afterward because I really cannot stand my dad's outlook and take on life most of the time. I don't begrudge him his lifestyle. He chose it, and I don't begrudge him the wisdom he possess, or sometimes thinks he possesses. I just don't like when I have no choice in the matter and it is expected that I should adhere to ever single tirelessly scrutinized detail of what he believes life should be for me.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Short and Sweet

Well, I must say that even though I don't always enjoy school it is great to be back again. Not much to my classes thought I know some would call me crazy. All classes with the same teacher? Psh. Easy peasy until I lose my mind =P. Also on another high note, I am being somewhat forced to, but for my own good, to ride my bike to school. Not so much of an issue if I were more in shape lol. But that's exactly what it's about. 
And in regards to my previous post, if you can't PM me on here I will attach an email for you to reach me at =] so you can, if you so choose, contact me for further information on said jerk all star. 
Best news yet: I'm in choir. Again. =] yay! Most definitely my favourtie class of all and yes, I am again a soprano and today our warm up reached a C! Woot! So. I am most certainly going to enjoy my semester even if my buttocks is sore from a hard seat, and I'm a crazy woman for taking three classes with the same teacher. =]

Until we meet again loves,

headfirst_for_halos77@yahoo.com =]

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Undercover work, anyone?

So I have made some discoveries of the unsavory kind in regards to a certain person. Some of you may know exactly who this is, and others, well I can only hope you never have the misfortune of meeting them. =] Anyway on with my ranting and raving about this person. They apparently are never single for long and are always with more than one person. 
How rude right? And on top of that, they believe this life of evil can keep going on unchecked and disturbed. But then I am here, and wrecking ball that I am, have every and utmost intention to bring them down. Here is where I would say with any means possible, but that ends up with jail sentences and stuff like that. Not really my thing, sooo.... On with plan super B!
I have contact information to this person and have my ways of making more discoveries. If any of you are willing, have the time, or just like to see people like this come into contact with harsh and jarring reality known as life, please respond to me so I can give you anything that works! Thanks lovelies =]

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Almost a month?

There is something terribly wrong about not having blogged in almost a month. And I know what the main problem is, well problems rather.
My dad seems to think that it is every man/woman for themselves when it comes to computer time and I really don't think that's fair. I don't complain to anyone but my mom because she is the only one in our family that will listen when I say, hey, mom, this isn't right here, what do I do? And on top of that, my dad really could care less so long as he can take care of that one last thing.
To anyone who is, may be, or knows an addict of any kind, these are not good things to hear. But of course, my father isn't addicted. It's his way of 'relieving stress' and 'winding down'. I say that is a bunch of flat out B.S....and I don't mean bachelor's of science degrees..
I do wish I could do more, but that would mean I would have to work harder and at so young an age where I'm still discovering everything I want and what really works for me, working harder is extremely tiring and almost not worth my time if it isn't going to make anything better and only cause more problems.
I realize this turned into more of a rant than an actual blog telling what I've been doing and how Christmas and New Years went. Sorry about that!

Christmas was rather interesting. Got to spend Christmas Eve with Eric. That was plenty fun, as was the tenth of December, when we were together for a month. ^^ New Years was shall I say, almost totally epic? Eric and I planned a bonfire out of town that my dad immediately nixed in replacement with something in town because he was afraid I would drive off the road due to possible rain that turned out to not even show up night of. Honestly I have enough skills to not drive off a road and if he was so worried wouldn't you think he just says no? I don't know how hard it is for some people but I has become one of my favorite non used words. So that has been my last month just about. Hoping to find a job still where I may end up having to move out because my dad will charge me rent and I have a feeling it won't be an entirely fair price because I know for a fact the only debt my parents have incurred is their day to day living. COL is not as expensive as a house and car payments along with tuition, books, food, and other things stupider people waste money like movies, new clothes every three months and such. But still, he worries like we're going to be homeless tomorrow. May as well just beat him to the shot and do it myself it seems like. Maybe I should find another activity to pursue since I'm just making this more depressing than it really should be.
Until next time lovelies!