Though I got my ranting and raving out, I still feel like I need to get more out because the rather constant situation at my house has been less than what I feel it should be for the kind of family we all seem to think we are.
To begin with where I blew up I need to go a few steps back and tell you a few details. One: my friend of I'll say, four, maybe five years, asked me to find out from my parents if they would be willing to put her up for a few weeks until her mom could make arrangements for her elsewhere. I didn't know the full situation when she asked and didn't care to ask because even though I love her dearly, sometimes pressing for details gets me nowhere. I now know that where she is staying is much worse than where I am and that the people who are supposed to be her family's friends are being anything but.
When I asked my dad about a few days after since I had to gather the courage to do so, he didn't give me a flat out no but alluded that the answer in general would come to a no.
Two: when I found that my dad wanted to talk to my mom about, when she already knew what I would be asking, I wasn't too upset. When he started to lecture for half an hour on varying subjects that had almost nothing to do with what I had asked, I held in until he finished then blew up to the whole internet around 10:30 last Saturday night. Not my most shinning moment but nonetheless it happened. The next day the music in the church service I attend spoke almost directly at the subject I'd brought up but I don't believe he really listened. I know for a fact that he discussed the matter without me like he said he would later that day because I heard my parents talking from my room while my boyfriend was over.
There is another reason he doesn't give me any mind. He doesn't like my boyfriend. My mom doesn't find anything wrong with him except that he's Mormon. I thank her for that and that she tolerates and accepts and even likes him. It's more than I can say for my dad, pretty much ever. He won't let people spend the night because he's afraid of a lawsuit. If you saw our house I'm sure you would be too but my friend in particular as well as my boyfriend understand that because my dad believes his duty is to clean his mess wherever it is and NOT tell anyone else to do the same and more, that our house is the way it is.
I'm not trying to make excuses for the way it looks, just pointing out everything I have against how my father seems to think less of everyone else without every getting in trouble for it. Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent. Obviously my title should give away what I wish I could say to him, but fear because I know he won't accept that he is ever at fault of anything. I just wish he would find it in his heart to be the Christian that he proclaims he is but will never act like.
I'm not one to tolerate hypocrites but living with one isn't easy either. I can't seem to pull myself away from the same habits and such, though I do try. I want my friends to call me on anything that I do that they find hypocritical but I don't expect them to micromanage me because I ask them to keep me from lying to myself. My dad won't even be open to such a suggestion. It frustrates me to no end! And what's more, he goes on thinking he's doing the world some great favor and really contributing to something important and if I ask "what?" he won't have a clue because there is no one that he is helping but himself and I find that quite disgusting in someone who thinks himself a family man that has firm and unwavering Christian beliefs.
....I know that was a long one that became much more than a rant, but thanks for sticking with and tolerating me. It is much appreciated of you all. Until next time then.