I'm not sure how many of you know this, but Eric and I have known each other since Junior High and although we did not always keep in touch throughout the years we hit it off in college and had a good friendship. Our friendship lasted about a year before we started to really get to know each other better, then we dated for a year and one month, at which point we became engaged. We've now been engaged for almost six months and we're hoping to plan the wedding for next June. The twenty-first to be exact.
I know, I know, this is where most of you will begin to say slow down, and think a bit, hand US the reigns for a while and really try to understand what you're saying! But we are thinking about it and we understand the implications of our choices. We both know that it seems fast, and too soon, and do we really, REALLY know what we are getting ourselves into? To that I say both yes, and no. Yes we know what we are saying we want to to, and we know that it isn't easy, no matter how much you love each other or spend time together or talk or any of that. Lifetime commitment is difficult and trying and worth every tear shed, and every drop of sweat you put into it to make it work when it seems like it can't. And no we don't know what we're doing either. Who does? You can read every book in the world, but if you don't go out and find out for yourself, are you really gaining anything? If you don't risk things for knowledge or love or faith, how can you say that you have lived any kind of life at all?
I understand that we are young, have no clue about anything in the world, and will probably attempt to kill each other more than once over nothing because we were too tired, too stressed out, or not thinking clearly enough. I do that everyday at home with my family. The only difference here would be that we aren't related by blood. And really, don't you do the same thing to your friends, who are generally considered people you love and care about? I suppose that is beside the point though, because all the people that matter and want a say in it will tell me that we should wait, not to rush, we have our whole lives ahead of ourselves. I know that and Eric knows that, but sometimes life doesn't care if you are too young or too old, or have missed the only opportunity you will ever get for something, it just goes on unconcerned with what goes on in and around it because it simply is. I am envious of life and time because they have no worries or cares and there is nothing that constrians them at all.
I am sure that my parents, and grandparents, and everyone in my extended family, and people at church mean well and want the best for me but it is also my life, to do with what I will; whether that be making a career of saving animals or teaching students or running my own shop or writing novels, but I can also choose to do nothing, be nothing, and do what people who have no motivation do. I could get married or stay single, be a stay at home mom, or single mother, live off the government or become a junkie. I could travel the world and not tie down to anyone or anything, or I could become a missionary in the jungles of South America, or even become a famous artist in the music business. But I feel like I can't make any of those decisions without offending some number of people because I didn't listen or take their advice. And I don't think that I should feel that way when the people who make me feel that way are the ones I consider myself to have close relationships with. None of these people though, are outside of my family or soon to be family. Is it so wrong of me to want to make my own decisions even if they are foolish and might be wrong, or if they aren't wrong entirely, just a little bit senseless and made by a young woman still figure out her way in life?
Maybe I am foolish and too young to be getting married next year, but it is my life and anyone that has tried to make me do anything I didn't want to knows that when I want something bad enough, or desperately enough it happens. Likewise with things I don't want to do. They just don't happen. I guess what I am trying to say is, I am trying to find the courage to tell my parents and those around me that this is what I want and they can either go along with it and support me, or gripe and complain the whole way while I drag them along the road. It's taken me a long time to get back to being that passionate and feisty young thing I used to be that could wreak havoc across an entire home in about ten minutes, but I'm coming back to it, because that is a part of me and who I am, and it will help me make the tough decisions I need to make for the next few years of my life. Hopefully I will have people who love and support me along the way because I know I will need it. Sorry to sound like a petty little girl trying to get her way, but thank you for reading and I hope you read again soon!